I tried
by tjaf
Summary: Emma and Snow conversation about Snow wanting another shot at motherhood mostly Emma feels


**after last Sunday episode I couldn't get this out of my mind hope you liked it**

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**I TRIED**

Emma walked through the camp and settle down on what had been her _bed_ for the past couple of days. After everything that had happened in the echo cave she just needed some time alone, she needed some time to grasp everything that had been said in other to save Neal from Peter Pans grasp. She now understood what Hook meant when he said that Pan wanted them to rescue Neal, it made sense that after confessing all of their darkest secrets, then their own secrets will do the job for him and tear the group apart, without having to get his hands dirty.

She never thought once they entered the cave that all the darkest secrets her companions had said would somehow revolve around her. So Hook had confessed the kiss, which actually was not a real secret considering she had already told Mary Margaret, but it wasn't the kiss that took her of guard, it was the explanation as to why he had wanted to kissed her. Hook loved her and not in the '_I want to have one night stand with you way',_ no he loved her in the '_I forgot my 300 year love thanks to you way'_. He had confessed that she had made him feel something he hadn't felt since his first and only love Milah, and even though that scared the hell out of her it wasn't his confession that scared her the most, but her parents.

So she had just found out that after finally having parents for the first time in 28 years she was going to lose them, just like Pan had said _after I'm done with you, you will not only feel like an orphan but you'll be one. _And even though at first she thought that he was trying to scare her, and make her doubt that she could ever be part of a family, she now knew what he meant.

So her father, Prince Charming had just confessed that do to a poisoned arrow that was dealt to him when they were fighting the lost boys, he will not be able to leave Neverland, because if he did then he would die. And even though that filled her with an immense amount of guilt and sadness, that still wasn't the secret that had hurt her the most. No, she felt sad that David might not be able to leave Neverland, but somehow she knew that do to her parents history there was something they could do, something they would find to be together again, they were far too stubborn to give up, and that gave her hope, because she knew they would find a way, they always did. And that's why even though his secret had been painful, it hadn't hurt as much, or maybe it had, but the fact that her mother had just confessed that she had wanted another child since the minute the curse broke, had left her so out of words and hope, that the fact that her father won't be able to leave Neverland didn't hurt as much

"Emma" Snow interrupted her thoughts as she took a sit next to her daughter.

"Mmmhh" Emma said not really trusting her voice at that moment, the last thing she wanted to do was break in front of Mary Margaret.

"Can we talk" Snow said as she attempted to make eye contact with the blond, that hadn't even bother to open her eyes since they started talking

"Mary Margaret, I'm tiered can we just, talk in the morning" Emma mumbled, the last thing she wanted to do was listen to her mother talk about what had happened in the cave, she didn't want her telling her that Neal still loved her or that maybe she could be happy with Hook, and most of all she didn't want to hear her lame excuse as to why she had wanted to replace her since the moment she got her back.

"No I want to talk now" Snow said with determination, she was tiered to walking around her daughter, she was tiered of leaving every conversation unfinished

"Well to bad" Emma said with determination as she got up from her bed "because I don't feel like talking now" she said harshly. It was times like this when Emma actually wished that Snow was more like Mary Margaret, quiet and reserved, Mary Margaret knew exactly when and where to push Emma, she knew that there were times when Emma just wanted to be alone, but Snow was different, Snow liked to push, she liked to get answers and worst of all she liked to talk, and that was something that Emma had no intentions on doing

"Fine" Snow said as she followed Emma into the jungle "you don't have to talk, you just have to listen"

"Mary…"

"No Emma, just listen ok" Snow interrupted before Emma could run away from their conversation, she was determined to make her daughter listen to her

"Alright what do you want to talk about" Emma said as she pulled her hand away from Snows reach, one thing was letting the woman force her into a conversation and another things was allowing her to touch her.

"What I said in the cave…"

"Nop, I definitely don't want to talk about that" Emma said with a little annoyance

"Please Emma, don't push me away, just let me explain" Snow begged as she attempted to make eye contact with Emma but again her daughter just removed her gaze

"Explain what" Emma asked "you don't have to explain yourself to me" she said "I understand, you want to be a mother"

"I am a mother" Snow said a little hurt

"Not according to you or David" Emma said quickly and Snow couldn't help the hurt that took over her eyes

"What's that supposed to mean"

"You know exactly what that means" Emma yelled "when you confessed about wanting to be a mother he told you that there was no doubt in his mind that you would make an excellent mother, as if you weren't a mother just yet"

"Emma…"

"But now I get it because you are not my mother" she yelled before Snow could form a proper answer "you are just the woman that gave birth to me, the woman that abandoned me in the hope that I could come back and save her, so that once I did what, Snow White?" she said with venom "you just gave me up so that I could come back and save you and then you could start your real family, well it's done, I saved you…so now…now leave me alone and…"

"Emma STOP" Snow yelled as she placed her hands roughly on Emma's shoulders and forced her to look at her in the eyes "you and I both know that's not true, you and I know that the only reason I sent you was to save your life" she cried, praying against all hope that Emma would just listen to her, but Emma was to consumed in her own thoughts and self-pity to listen to a word that came out of Snows mouth

"I was trying you know" Emma said, in what now seemed to be a whisper compared to the tone she had been using before "I was trying so hard to let you in, I was trying to lower my walls so that you could get to know me, so that I could get to know you" she continued in a broken voice as Snow felt her heart break into a million pieces "but what's the point, what's the point in trying if you don't want to get to know me, what's the point if the only thing you want is a chance to start over, a chance to get to raise a child that you could be proud of, a child that would be truly yours…"

"Emma…"

"No Mary Margaret please let me finish" Emma said in a broken voice "let me finish because I need to get this out of my system" she begged at which Snow just managed a small nod, she was afraid of what Emma was going to say next, she hadn't realized how much her words had actually hurt her daughter.

"I don't blame you" Emma continued after a short pause "I don't blame you because I understand your need to be a mother, I understand how you must have felt when the curse broke and you found out your long lost daughter was the roommate whom you saw as broken and lonely and messed up, a person that you couldn't even fix as a friend. A person that was so screwed up by life that it's easier to replace then to help. I understand because that's what has happened to me my whole life" Emma said in a whimper "my whole life I've been replaced because people don't want to deal with the multiple problems I have. I was replaced by Neal, by multiple foster parents and when I thought that my luck might have changed, when I thought that I had finally found two people that would stick with me no matter what…you want to replace me to" she paused "I know I am not what you wished for…I know I'm not worthy of you or James, but a was hoping you guys would love me anyway" and with that Emma released herself from her mother's strong arms and sprinted into the jungle, without giving Snow time to run after her.

Snow wanted to go after Emma, she wanted to hold her into her arms and never let her go, but she couldn't find the strength to move, she couldn't find the will to go after her daughter after all the things she had said. What had she done, how could she be so inconsiderate and stupid, how could she just go on and confessed all those things in front of her daughter, when she knew more then anyone how many times her daughter had been replaced, how many times she had been abandoned.

She closed her eyes as the pain and the words that had come out of her daughters mouth came rushing back into her mind. Without nothicing she had broken her daughter, without noticing she had destroyed all the hope and love that she had built with Emma in the past months, without noticing she had built thouse walls once again, and she was afraid that this time, there might be no way to break them down. So she just collapsed on the floor as relasation too over her, but not before making a silence promis to her daughter, that no matter what she felt or believed no matter how many times she pushed her away, Snow would find a way to break through thouse walls again, she will find a way to show Emma, how loved and wanted she was, she will find a way to make her little girl know that if there was someone worthy of her love and trust then that someone was Snow White, because no matter how many children Snow had in he future Emma will ALWAYS BE HER LITTLE GIRL.


End file.
